The Grinch of Payments

Every merchant down in Whoville liked payments a lot…
But the Grinch, who lived just north of Whoville, did NOT.
The Grinch hated payments! The whole payment industry!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one can understand his misery.

It could be his head wasn’t screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that his contract was too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that his fees were never that small.

Grinch credit card

Whatever the reason, he despised every merchant,
Who accepted every payment type, so their would be no deterrent
“They’re accepting EMV!” he snarled with a sneer,
“And the holidays are approaching! They are practically here!”

Then he growled, with his Grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find some way to stop their settlements from coming”
For the holidays were stressful, for all business owners,
Who would be waiting on their payments, with a heavy weight on their shoulders.

For he knew every merchant was awaiting their settlement,
And with their hard earned dollars, their loved ones would benefit.
They would buy them a gift, no matter how small,
And the payments industry, with their cut, would never fall.

Grinch lightbulb moment

Which was something the Grinch couldn’t stand in the least!
Then he got an idea! An awful idea!

“I know just what to do!” the Grinch laughed in his throat.
He rushed to his laptop, and a malicious script, he wrote.
And he chuckled, and clucked, “What a great Grinchy trick!”
“With this virus, I get their payments, with just a single mouse click.”

Then the Grinch unleashed his virus into the night,
toward their merchant accounts, with all of its might.
It pounded, it slithered, it fought every fight
but it couldn’t get past, no matter the bite.

Mt. Crumpitt

Three thousand feet up! Up the side of Mt. Crumpit,
He screamed quite loudly, as his virus failed to circum it.
Just tokens it found, nothing else it revealed,
And they were useless; there was nothing to steal.

He stared down at Whoville! The Grinch squinted his eyes!
Then he shook! What he saw was a shocking surprise!
Ever merchant in Whoville, the tall and the small,
was protected by Beanstream, there was no pitfall.

He HADN’T succeeded! Payments were still being made.
Somehow or another, they came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice cold in the snow,
stood puzzling and puzzling: “How could it be so?”

Grinch is malevolent

And he puzzled three hours, till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn’t before!
“Maybe payments,” he thought “don’t need to make me queasy.”
“Maybe payments…perhaps…can be very easy.”

And what happened then? Well… in Whoville they say,
that the Grinch signed up for Beanstream that day!

Nicole Stright

Nicole Stright

Nicole is our coffee dependent content specialist. With a quick-witted way with words, she could make you enjoy reading an instruction manual. She was born American, raised Canadian and has lived briefly in Poland. A quintessential west coastian she can be found running the seawall, practicing savasana in yoga or enjoying an over-hopped I.P.A. Nicole is responsible for all of the bean puns as well as creating compelling copy driven by analytics that converts. She strives to simplify the complicated and wants readers to easily understand the often convoluted industry of payments.
Nicole Stright